Confessions of a 30-year-old Failure

Failure.

girl-218706_1280I honestly don’t know how I keep coming back from it. I have literally failed so many times at a multitude of different things and somehow I stay alive. I am still breathing. There have been countless occasions when I have looked into the mirror with my distant hazel green eyes glazed over. The dark circles have turned to puffs…

and not the delicious cream filled kind either.

I feel the decline. That downfall that rips my emotions down the never-ending rabbit hole only to fall into the same life. The same old rat race we call “living”.
The tears pour out like trickling waterfalls that have finally dried up and the last microscopic elements of the water linger in the corners of my canthi while I just stare. I stare into space not really looking at myself but at the vast everlasting universe behind the sadness.

I hate myself. I am a failure. I have once again failed and I feel nothing but pain and bitterness. Why does this keep happening to me?
I try and try and stay positive through the whole grueling process, but here I am… a failure.
I am alone.

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If you have ever felt this feeling than you know how much it hurts. Failure is not a very pleasant experience.

So how do you move on from it?

Well I would like to tell you that everything will work out.
I would like to say that this feeling will pass.
I would love to tell you that I have bounced back from every failure I have ever encountered.

But alas, I can’t tell you any of those things because I am not a psychic for one, and I haven’t bounced back from a lot of my failures. I still sit here and beat myself up constantly and sometimes I feel that maybe being a failure is all I will ever be successful at.

Pretty uplifting right?!

images238GCQHHAll I can say is this:
Failure is not you or me or anything we do.

Failure is everything.

Everything on this planet is failing.

I look at it as a sign that the only way to go now is forward. Moving on is tough when everything around us is crumbling.
So I own it.
I sit in my failure and bask in its inevitable grip.

Do you remember the saying you heard all the time as a little kid:

“If at first you don’t succeed, try try again!”

Well that’s just life. Life is full of failures and we just have to keep trying. If we do not fail at anything then we leave the earth never succeeding.
Failure is success and success is failure. You can’t have one without the other.

When I was 22 years old I became a Dental Assistant. Soon after that happened I ended a 2 year relationship. Fail. Then I went travelling and put myself so far into debt that I had to borrow a large amount of money from my little brother just to get by in the following years. Fail. Then I had to quit the dental assisting because I was miserable. Fail. 4 years ago I became a Personal Trainer and it’s been a constant struggle to make a living. Then 2 days ago I got canned from a new fitness studio in town because after a day of training, they didn’t think I was the right “fit” for the company. Fail. I’ve also tried 4 different multi-level marketing companies… FAILED! I tried to be a musician for a few years… FAILED!

I have failed at everything I’ve tried so far and I am still here. I am still breathing.

I am 30 years old and still looking for my dream job… And I am ok with that.

So if you have failed at anything recently and feel down in the dumps, I just hope you know that you are not alone. I’m right there with ya!! 🙂

So let’s move on to the next thing, whatever it may be and let our failures be our guide.

~Let us embrace our failures.~

I would rather fail at everything I do rather than never do anything at all and have a butt-load of regrets when I die. Life is what it is and that’s what we have to remember.

So GO, get out there and FAIL! For whatever happens… there is always something else to try. And that’s the only advice I have as a 30-year-old failure.

Try try again xo

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6 thoughts on “Confessions of a 30-year-old Failure

  1. Buddy, I love ya, i think if anything positive you can take from all of this is that life isn’t about success or failure, it’s about living, you’re branching out and trying new things, that takes a lot of courage, and you’ll grow more as a person because of it, it just means when you take on your next challenge you’re going to be tough as nails! I know things seem bleek and pointless now, but don’t give up! Im proud of you for taking on so many challenges!! <3!

    Like

  2. Can you count as failure if you learn something? I don’t think so. You can fail at an objective, or miss it, but there is still much to be gained by the experiences themselves.

    Hm, it sounds like that ‘everyone gets a ribbon just for partipating’ tripe, but in the active process of life, I think it is true. We become the sum of our experiences. So keep keepin’ on!

    ~SE

    Liked by 1 person

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