I think a lot. And by a lot, I mean A LOT!
My mind is made up of multiple wheels turning in every direction, so naturally when I experience something painful it hurts in all kinds of different ways. Maybe it’s just the cycle you go through after your heart has been broken. But for me it feels so much deeper than I would’ve imagined. After 4 years with one person it has been extremely difficult to be alone with my crazy mind. My thoughts seem to take over.
It’s been about 3 months now and I do feel like the worst of it has passed. But there are still times when I’m alone that my heart starts to ache repeatedly. I still lie awake wondering how I got to that point where I am alone in my bed. I feel like I never want to let myself fall in love with anyone ever again. One time seems painful enough.
Then I start to think about others who have shared their stories with me when it comes to heartache and pain. When there is marriage and children involved and many years of counseling, I can’t even begin to understand how that feels.
Moving on…
I have been so lucky to have the most loving friends who have helped me through this break up. They have lifted me up and made me laugh. They have said so many loving things to me to try to help me remember who I really am and that I matter. I am not just a broken heart.
The hardest part is writing about my most recent travel experience in Costa Rica; the trip that I thought would bring us closer together. How do I write about that? Do I just write him out of all the stories I want to tell? Do I include him in the adventures I reminisce about? I’m torn between wanting to forget and needing to remember. After all, he was there with me and we had that wonderful experience together.
Maybe some of my blogger friends can shed some light on this situation.
How do you bring yourself to write about someone who broke your heart?
How do you get the words out while you are still hurting so much?
How do I share my story when I just want to forget about him?
I know I am worth more than I feel I am now and I know that my heart won’t always hurt. After so much reflection and self affirmations I feel like my old self is slowly returning. I do feel happy, but when I sit down to write the pain comes flooding back.
How do I stop this from happening?
How do I learn to love myself again?
Tee's Tiny Blog 
this is so timely. i am going through the exact same thing, after being with someone for 2 years, he is suddenly gone from my life. it’s as if a piece of me is missing. my friends and family have been amazing but there is still a hole there. i’m leaving for ireland in a couple of weeks on a trip he could have gone with me on, but chose not to, and i guess all if have to think about is him choosing not to go, to know this needed to happen. it’s a process, and i still choose to love again and open my heart completely, it’s worth the risk for the chance of something beautiful. right now, it’s most important that i just heal myself, though, and you too. hugs ) beth
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Beautifully stated. I too hope I can open my heart again, although it feels impossible atm. I plan on leaving at the end of this year to Europe for some self healing and reflection. It is so hard to have a sudden halt in your life after knowing someone inside and out for such a long time. Now it’s like they are strangers or something. I hope you find love and happiness Beth 🙂 Thank you so much for sharing xo ~T
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Comment is going to be short, but at least it is sincer. Sorry, I am in a rush.
Good luck with getting back to writing! 🙂
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