I think a lot. And by a lot, I mean A LOT!
My mind is made up of multiple wheels turning in every direction, so naturally when I experience something painful it hurts in all kinds of different ways. Maybe it’s just the cycle you go through after your heart has been broken. But for me it feels so much deeper than I would’ve imagined. After 4 years with one person it has been extremely difficult to be alone with my crazy mind. My thoughts seem to take over.
It’s been about 3 months now and I do feel like the worst of it has passed. But there are still times when I’m alone that my heart starts to ache repeatedly. I still lie awake wondering how I got to that point where I am alone in my bed. I feel like I never want to let myself fall in love with anyone ever again. One time seems painful enough.
Then I start to think about others who have shared their stories with me when it comes to heartache and pain. When there is marriage and children involved and many years of counseling, I can’t even begin to understand how that feels.
I have been so lucky to have the most loving friends who have helped me through this break up. They have lifted me up and made me laugh. They have said so many loving things to me to try to help me remember who I really am and that I matter. I am not just a broken heart.
The hardest part is writing about my most recent travel experience in Costa Rica; the trip that I thought would bring us closer together. How do I write about that? Do I just write him out of all the stories I want to tell? Do I include him in the adventures I reminisce about? I’m torn between wanting to forget and needing to remember. After all, he was there with me and we had that wonderful experience together.
Maybe some of my blogger friends can shed some light on this situation.
How do you bring yourself to write about someone who broke your heart?
How do you get the words out while you are still hurting so much?
How do I share my story when I just want to forget about him?
I know I am worth more than I feel I am now and I know that my heart won’t always hurt. After so much reflection and self affirmations I feel like my old self is slowly returning. I do feel happy, but when I sit down to write the pain comes flooding back.
How do I stop this from happening?
How do I learn to love myself again?