Thursday Thoughts: On Death

Angel_of_Death_wallpaper03~This journey to becoming a writer is uncovering the many layers of my mind. Some of those layers are very dark and sometimes disturbing.

I’ve unfortunately experienced a lot of death in my life so maybe that’s why I have such morbid thoughts from time to time. I think about how death might feel. I have dreams of people dying and murdering each other on occasion. I even died in a dream once and when I woke up… I thought I had been reincarnated into a different body. It was really weird… and scary!

They say you’re not supposed to die in your dreams… because then you die in real life. Well I made it out of that dream to tell the tales of my dark mind. Don’t get me wrong though, I am not a dark person with dark tendencies. I’ve always been very happy and positive. But with my past experiences my mind just goes bleak and brooding at times. Creativity feeds on those feelings and it is where my inspiration develops. That’s why I based the novel I’m currently writing on death and the afterlife.

My first experience with death happened when I was just 9 years old. My Uncle Mike committed suicide by inhaling exhaust fumes. He put the exhaust pipe inside his car and then fell asleep never to wake again.  Strangely enough, 2 years later my cousin Mike was killed in a tragic motorcycle accident. I was still too young to know what death really was… I didn’t know how to feel or how to react.

What happens when we die? Is there a place we all go to live out the rest of eternity in peace? Is there actually a heaven and hell to separate the bad from the good? Or… does everything just go black? Do we disappear into nothing?

Surprisingly, I don’t fear death at all. In fact… death intrigues me. I am fascinated by it.

What does it feel like? I ponder this question constantly.

I’ve had 10 relatives pass away from old age and health issues over the years. But, the deaths that really get to me… are my young friends.

6 of my friends have died in the last 10 years. From drug overdose, drowning, heart attack and from the deepest of sleeps never to awaken. They were all too young to be taken away from this earth.

I have come to the realisation that death is to be a big part of my life. Death teaches me to be strong and empathetic. I know the sorrows of death too well.

But what about death itself. The mystery behind this awful… yet inevitable occurrence.  What happens to us when we die?

Since I’ve had so many people die in my lifetime I can not believe that everything goes black. Our spirits… our minds… they can’t just vanish into thin air. Can they?

I truly believe that spirits float on and protect the living… kind of like guardian angels I guess. I feel like my loved ones are watching over me from somewhere. Maybe not “heaven” so to speak but, they are out there. I can feel them. I will never forget them nor do I ever want to.

So, what are your thoughts on death? Do you believe in an afterlife? Do we all just disappear? Does death scare you? Or does it intrigue you?

I guess we will all find out one day… until then, may you live in peace and happiness xo And to those who have moved on from this earth…

May you rest in peace.

Here’s to my dear departed friends Philip, Nigel, Jackie, Daniel, Jayme and Zoe ❤ I love and miss you my friends… wherever you may be.

DSCN0212  Nigel Haze jackie  danny  jayme 196751_5538521062_3257_n

For Zoe ~7 years gone… I still miss you everyday xox

Memories filled my mind as I remembered being on stage at an open mic night singing in front of an audience. Eyes were all on me. Then, I pictured her face. It was a beautiful memory… and finally the soft lyrics slowly escaped my lips:

189025_5538511062_2732_nThere’s a picture of you in my mind.

It happens all the time.

You came into my life.

The hands of the clock rewind.

Baby girl… you’re gone

Baby girl you’re gone

Your memory lives on

This is Zoe’s song…

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My vision is blocked by you

To the afterlife you flew

If we only knew

Well that would be too cruel

Baby girl… you’re gone

Baby girl you’re gone

You’re memory lives on

Oh this is Zoe’s song

This is Zoe’s song.196751_5538521062_3257_n

Baby girl you’re gone…

~A song becomes a memory and the lyrics become a novel. What can I say?~

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Preview: And so I sang to him and Tucker while the flames flickered in the night. Memories came rushing into my mind as I sang the words and the melody echoed through the forest:

Where do we go now?

Does it all go away?

Is there an ending?

What do you say?

Well I… think someone will fall for me someday and,

I… thank the stars for the friends I’ve got today.

Well I sat down and thought about yesterday.

Was it a dream, is it the future?

What can I say?

Well I sat down and I thought about yesterday.

Was it a dream, is it the future?

What do you say?

What does this life mean?

Do we live day to day?

Is there more to be seen?

What do you say?

Well I… think someone will fall for me someday and,

I… thank the stars for the friends I’ve got today.

Well I sat down and thought about yesterday

Was it a dream, is it the future?

What can I say?

Well I sat down and I thought about yesterday.

Was it a dream, is it the future?

What do you say?

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Well I… don’t know what to do with myself and,

I… don’t know what the worlds got planned for me today.

And that’s ok ya hey hey!!

Well I sat down and I thought about yesterday.

Was it a dream, is it the future?

What can I say?

Well I sat down and I thought about yesterday.

Is this a dream?

Are we the future?

What can I say?