Monday Moment: Preparing for Home

~Now that I have been gone for so long

I realize the place to which I belong

I miss those familiar things that make me feel protected

That place I can shelter from the unknown prospected

Soon I will feel the warmth of my own bed

My teddy bear nestled between my shoulder and head

I’ll know where I can find my perfect delights

I can be assured where I sleep each night

The countdown is on and I’m going to soon be home

I’ve seen Paris, Barcelona, England and even Rome!

I wandered through cities like Edinburgh, Bergen, and Berlin

I went sightseeing in Venice and Florence with a big perma-grin ūüôā

I explored some of India and in the hot sun I would wake

And of course, I went to Amsterdam and got totally baked!

Three more countries to go as I enjoy Argentina

A touch of luxury ahead with hot tubs and piscinas

I will finally see the great mountains of Machu Pichu

It’s amazing what this wonderful world can teach you

More adventure awaits as the last leg unfolds

I have so many tales that need to be told

So many stories that don’t seem like they’re actually real

I can’t even describe the many feelings I feel

My home is waiting and I’m just about there

I’m finishing off with a BANG!! And then once more…

I’ll fly UP UP UP high in the air!!

I can not express how grateful I am

Boy oh boy… I’m going to have the most incredible Instagram!!

My dreams have come true each and every day

I’ve lived life to the fullest in every possible way ‚̧

Thursday Thoughts on my Travels

~Here I sit in Bergen, Norway on a white cloudy day. It may seem like any other day to my family and friends back home but to me this day is extraordinary. I’ve been gone for nearly 2 months and home seems so far away. The rest of Europe seems so far away as well as I sit in the North contemplating my next move.

I’ve seen very small portions of 5 different countries; each one varying ever so slightly from the other. I’ve had ample time to reflect on my own inner thoughts and demons. ¬†I no longer question whether¬†or not I am doing the right thing anymore. All of the time and planning has brought me here to this very moment.

Although I have only just begun to tap into the cultures and ways of living, I have also gained an overwhelming amount of knowledge from each place I graze through.

The words evade me…

How can I put into words the emotions and visual pleasures I’ve experienced? So many feelings within my gut I can barely begin to explain in a transparent sentence let alone describe what I’ve seen or heard in my passing through these mysterious realms.

I’ve been surrounded by history and sophistication. The aftermath of victories, accomplishments, and defeat throughout many battles and wars have literally been at my fingertips and yet I could never actually come close to understanding the complexity of it all. I can lay my hands upon the ruins. I can read the engraved words in the stone. I can sit and bask in the elapsed time bubble that has brought me here.

My eyes can merely gaze in wonder.

In Paris, I slept in a building constructed in the 1800s that has been restored time and time again. In Barcelona, I realized a resistance had transformed the very flags in which the country of Spain had once honored. I discovered a language I had never heard of before. I stood inside a tunnel in Bury St. Edmunds, England, encompassed by ancient ruins which had been originally erected over a thousand years ago. I have recited tales of witches and ghosts in Edinburgh, Scotland.

Here I sit in Bergen, Norway on a white cloudy day writing these indescribable¬†feelings the best I can. A beautiful little city enclosed by glorious green mountains, trees and lakes. Cold streams of water trickle down the slopes of¬†Mt Fl√łyen. At night the entire city center lights up from the shops and houses nestled within the mountain side. The reflections in the harbor waters glow and dance with the wind.

My best explanation of my thoughts on my recent travels; they are vast, deep and full of fascination I wish I could convey. I am so incredibly grateful I have this chance to experience something so much greater than I could ever explain.

Travel now. Travel far. Travel; for it will show so many truths within ourselves. The world has so much to offer.

Good Morning, Good Evening Monday!

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Good morning Monday, or should I say good evening?

My clock is ahead and my friends back home are still sleeping.

My day is ending when theirs has only begun.

I see the end of the day and they see the beginning of the sun.

Bonjour,¬†bonsoir,¬†bonne apr√®s-midi…

Which part of the day will all of us see?

Paris is cloudy and the air has a chill.

That sure does not stop me from having my thrills.

Last night or this morning I saw a wonderful site.

Gazed once more at the Eiffel Tower and had a marvelous night.

Arise, my dear friends, it’s a new day and you’re free!

Your morning, my night, today…¬†aujourd’hui.

From Paris, with love. ‚̧

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~Bon Lundi Matin~ Good Morning Monday~

~Bon Lundi Matin~

When I was a girl I dreamed of Paris; I wandered through it in my mind day and night.

I dreamed¬†of the Eiffel Tower as if someday it would stand before me; finally within arm’s¬†reach and in plain sight.

I desired the romance, the wine, and the cheese.

S’il vous pla√ģt, mon amie¬†pretty please….

From the corners of The Louvre to the top of Arc de Triomphe I wished to cross the great Transatlantic Sea.

With French blood running through¬†my veins, I felt connected; my ancestor’s spirits must have called.

For as the years aged me my bucket list extended to Big Ben, The Vatican, and the mighty Berlin Wall.

Further investigations of the European beauties that lay miles and miles away, sparked my intrigue so intensely I must say.

To a land far away I still have a yearning to explore; from the croissants, Moulin Rouge, ¬†and so much more! ūüôā

Now I’m a woman dreaming of Paris; for it is merely two flights away.

I will finally fly to my dream land; I will go to Paris and there I may just have to stay! ūüôā

~Je rêve de Paris~

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A Friday Poem- Reminisce

~Thank goodness it’s Friday, it’s been a long week

As I reminisce, the sun warms my cheeks

Standing at the window I look to see through

I remember when I used to spend my Fridays with you

And as the months pass by it gets easier to swallow

But still there’s a soft dull pain; a sweet empty hallow

For once my heart longed for the week to end

It was because of you but now I look forward to my dear friends

Freedom is funny when you wished for a bond

That desire to be connected suddenly gone

Now today is just mine and I’ll do what I wish

I will dance. I will sing. I will accept the tarnish

For my broken wings are starting to heal more and more

I think I am finally ready to close that heavy rusted doorantelope-canyon-543590

The brightness I thought I’d lost is shining into my cave

I know I have to emerge. I have to be brave

Today is my Friday and it is mine all mine

From the depths of my heart, the sun will continue to shine xo

Happy Friday

~T

Thursday Thoughts: Learning to Love Myself Again Xo

I think a lot. And by a lot, I mean A LOT!

My mind is made up of multiple wheels turning in every direction, so naturally when I experience something painful it hurts in all kinds of different ways. Maybe it’s just the cycle you go through after your heart has been broken. But for me it feels so much deeper than I would’ve imagined. After 4 years with one person it has been extremely difficult to be alone with my crazy mind. My thoughts seem to take over.

It’s been about 3 months now and I do feel like the worst of it has passed. But there are still times when I’m alone that my heart starts to ache repeatedly. I still lie awake wondering how I got to that point where I am alone in my bed. I feel like I never want to let myself fall in love with anyone ever again. One time seems painful enough.

Then I start to think about others who have shared their stories with me when it comes to heartache and pain. When there is marriage and children involved and many years of counseling, I can’t even begin to understand how that feels.

Moving on…

I have been so lucky to have the most loving friends who have helped me through this break up. They have lifted me up and made me laugh. They have said so many loving things to me to try to help me remember who I really am and that I matter. I am not just a broken heart.

The hardest part is writing about my most recent travel experience in Costa Rica; the trip that I thought would bring us closer together. How do I write about that? Do I just write him out of all the stories I want to tell? Do I include him in the adventures I reminisce about? I’m torn between wanting to forget and needing to remember. After all, he was there with me and we had that wonderful experience together.

Maybe some of my blogger friends can shed some light on this situation.

How do you bring yourself to write about someone who broke your heart?

How do you get the words out while you are still hurting so much?

How do I share my story when I just want to forget about him?

I know I am worth more than I feel I am now and I know that my heart won’t always hurt. After so much reflection and self affirmations I feel like my old self is slowly returning. I do feel happy, but when I sit down to write the pain comes flooding back.

How do I stop this from happening?

How do I learn to love myself again?

Traveling: Will It Make or Break You?

~Relationships are funny. You gain some and you lose some. Lessons are learned and hearts are broken. Travelling is a huge test when it comes to relationships and putting the two together can be either a wonderful practice or a deadly concoction.

If you have read my blog recently you may have noticed that I am going through a very painful break-up which makes it incredibly hard to write about the trip I just experienced with my ex two months ago. It really is true what they say: Traveling will make or break you.

Learning about someone in a relationship is¬†exciting at times, but when you realize something is not quite right in that person’s actions towards you, it can be hard to understand where that person is coming from. This is exactly what happened to me. All I can say is that a distance grew between us and I don’t really understand why. Distractions caused me to feel invisible and ignored. Once we had returned from our trip the distance grew so strong that we ended up further apart than ever.

So I guess traveling broke us.

In any case, I find this to be true in friendships as well. Maybe it’s because there are shades of colors you can never see in a person unless you travel far away from home. Maybe it’s because traveling changes you. Whatever the reason may be, I believe it’s a blessing in disguise. Everything happens for a reason.

Going outside of your comfort zone can be a challenging decision. Stepping outside that zone with another person; well that’s a whole other story.

I lost a very special friendship while I was traveling through South East Asia. I had planned to meet up with an old friend in Thailand who I had known for years. I jumped on a plane and flew from Singapore to meet him. Once I arrived in Bangkok, we met up and had some fun in the city before venturing out to an Island called Ko Samet. My birthday was right around the corner and I was excited to celebrate.

But something happened during that trip that I will never understand. Everything seemed fine when we arrived but after a night of drinking and words, our friendship went sideways. Again, a distance suddenly grew between us and I started to notice a strong wall being built up inside my friend.

That evening I celebrated my birthday without him and danced around with some locals instead. If you’re interested in the details of how that night you can read my post: Stories of a Solo Traveler.¬†In the end, the trip was a bit of a disaster. We left the island without speaking a word to one another and I sat on the bus back to Bangkok all by myself. I felt horrible.

Once arriving back in Bangkok I confronted my ex-friend about his actions towards me. He left me at the bus station that day and three days later he boarded a plane and flew back to Canada. I haven’t spoken to him in almost ten years now. Travelling seemed to have broken him and our friendship.

And that’s how fast it can happen.

Maybe it was something I said. It could have¬†been something he felt and I didn’t. In my current¬†situation, it was clearly something I felt and he did not. Now we are just strangers with a bunch of pictures of us from another country. Memories that were supposed to be happy but now just cause pain.

In both cases, I have felt totally abandoned by people who I thought cared about me.

I’m not going to lie, it hurts… a lot! But you can’t stop the changes that happen¬†to someone else when you travel. Going somewhere else in the world is a life-changing experience. People’s true colors shine through and the universe either brings you together or it tears you apart.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve also had some amazingly happy trips with other people in my life. My best girlfriend and I have traveled down to Mexico a few times and everything turned out great for us. It all depends on the people, the timing and the situations you put yourselves into.

You can’t stop change. You can’t force change.

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It is true what they say: Traveling will make or break you.

Luckily, I know how to put myself back together ūüôā

 

For the People Who Truly Love Me xo

For the people who truly love me;

For the ones who take a moment out of their day to tell me that they are proud of me and they admire how far I’ve come in my life.

For the caring notes and messages I receive when times get tough.

For the thoughts that pass through your minds when I am near: “Is she OK?” “What can I say to help make things better?”

For those questions you ask make me feel special.

I no longer feel unwanted, unloved or invisible.

I no longer feel a sharp pain or a sinking heart.

I no longer believe hope is lost.

I no longer want to dwell on the people who do not truly love me, for I do not deserve to be treated in such a way.

I deserve the ones who truly love me without any conditions.

For those amazing, wonderful kind-hearted souls who have reached out to my heart, I give you a small piece.

I know you will not give it away or crush it.

I know you will keep it warm and embrace it.

I know you will try your best to put the broken pieces back together again.

For the people who truly love me, I love you too xo

Thank you for being you ūüôā

For what would I do without your true love?

Letter to a Lost Love xo Moving on Monday

Dearest Lost Love,

I felt as though I owed you a great special surprise for your birthday this year. I had started planning a while ago. I was making a list of the things you loved: knives, machetes, climbing gear and mail. I’ll never understand why you loved receiving mail so much, but it always made you so happy to open it even if it was just a bill.

It would’ve been a grand bouquet of sharp things wrapped in rope with a bottle of scotch on the side. There would have been our first adventure¬†book that I had begun to put together with our first travel memories from Costa Rica. I was hoping to add to that book as the years passed by. I was hoping to get all of your¬†loved ones to mail you letters and cards all at once. I was planning on making a private Facebook page called: Surprise letters for (I can’t even say your name without pain now). It doesn’t really matter anymore.

It was such a splendid idea. Two weeks before your special day, I would’ve told everyone to write to you so all the mail would arrive all at the same time. The mailbox would’ve been overflowing with love from your friends and family who you love so dearly. You always wanted me to include them in our lives. They would’ve wrote to you about the memories and fun times you had shared. They would’ve wrote the things they loved about you. I still grin at my master plan. The look on your face would’ve been priceless.

But alas, my plans have been shattered by the cold space between us. I had lost you some time ago but had held on for dear life. When I realized you did not feel for me the way I felt for you, I wasn’t sure which direction to go. Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything at all. Maybe if I’d stayed complacent you would still be holding me in your arms. Maybe that feeling of emptiness would’ve passed.

When you walked away from me that day I thought I was in a bad dream. But as the nightmare unfolded, my heart crumpled within my chest and I realized it was all too real. Now as I sit here writing out my master plan I know it will never happen. 

Maybe I would’ve made you fall in love with me.¬†

For it was I who asked what it was you truly wanted. For when that moment arrived and you paused and did not know what to say, I knew you did not want to fall in love with me. There will be no¬†letters. There will be no¬†special gifts from my heart. For I don’t feel my heart anymore.

So now I’m moving on, Monday. Now I have to say goodbye to a lost love I don’t even know anymore. Maybe you never truly loved me at all. Maybe one day you will read this, or maybe you won’t. Maybe this letter is not the one you were hoping for. I don’t know because I have lost you…

My dearest lost love xo

Thursday Thoughts: The Messed Up Blog Post

~What happens when you work for hours and hours to perfect your blog post and then screw it up anyways?

This unfortunate circumstance has happened to me time and time again; the continuous read overs through each paragraph correcting one or two words at a time. The long pause when finishing a sentence and then deleting the entire thing because it sounds weird. Then that last correction after spell check says you have written everything in a passive voice or that you have just used a handful of clich√©s.¬†clich√©…

Then you ask yourself, “Can I even write!?”

Finally, you think that you have perfected each and every part of your post and you hit that dreaded Publish button and it only takes an entire day to realise that you have completely screwed up the title. THE TITLE!

The most important part of the post is ruined ūüė¶

Everyone sees it. You manage to get the likes and a few more views, but the horror still lingers in your belly. You fix the link in your Facebook feed and you correct the Permalink in the post so that fewer people notice that you have messed up.

Oh, the horror… the messed up blog post.

So what happens? Nothing. Nothing at all. Life goes on as does the blog. It’s a learning experience I guess.

Try not to beat yourself up. Correct, move on and grow. ūüôā

(I’m taking my own advice on this one)